mousethephoenix:

website: hi! we noticed youre using adblock, which takes money away from us, which is really uncool :(

me: fukc ok one sec lemme disable adbl–

website: 

(via voldesnorts)

jly:

*acts clueless but actually knows what’s going on at all times*

(via kardashiansfuckyeah)

psimagnet:

me: i’m staying out of the drama

also me: guess fucking what

(via pizzaassss)

saltfishandbake:

people: omg how are you single????

me *internally*: because i have deeply rooted emotional issues and a debilitating fear that im not good enough for anything

me: guess I just haven’t caught my fiSH yet! haha reel one in for me if you find one, sharon!!

(via officialinternet)

memeufacturing:

interviewer: thanks you for speaking with us, Ted
ted cruz: No problem!
interviewer *really fast*: SerialKillerSaysWhat
ted cruz: what?
campaign manager: *screams*

(via humorous-wifi)